How do they do it?

Some friends of mine are on a 2-week cruise from San Diego to Hawaii right now, but I’ve never been on a cruise. That might change soon and you might be joining me when you see this deal: 3,4 and 5 day Carnival Cruises from $249

I assume it’s just the 3-day cruises that start around $249, but even then it’s a helluva deal. People tell me that the food is all free once you are on board, and I’m pretty sure I could eat $249 worth of food in 3 days if I put my mind to it and starved myself for at least a day beforehand.

Even if the 3-day cruise was up and down the flood control ditch near my apartment I still think it would totally be worth it. I assume there would be free ping-pong tournaments and possibly even shuffleboard, both of which are sports I excel at. Imagine how impressed the other passengers would be after I placed in the top group in both tournaments? They’d probably be carrying me around the Lido Deck on their shoulders, and then I’d have them take me back over to the buffet so I could load up on shrimp cocktails or the make-your-own-taco bar.